To Drink Out of Character
by heaven-monument
Summary: Baralai and Nooj meet in a dark tea shop on the outskirts of Luca, four years after Yuna and Tidus reunite. Both political leaders of a new Spiran democracy, their jobs drive them to drink... tea? For Ikonopeiston. Concrit appreciated. Oneshot.


**To Drink Out of Character**

_By Heaven-Monument_

**Summary:** Baralai and Nooj meet in a dark tea shop on the outskirts of Luca, four years after Yuna and Tidus reunite. Both political leaders of a new Spiran democracy, their jobs drive them to drink… _tea?_

**Rating:** K+ (may contain drug references, but honestly, who's going to get drunk from jasmine tea?)

**Warnings:** **_UBER SPOILERZ_**. Crack themes. Deliberate OOCness on both their parts. NPCs drunk off tea. Subtle references to Avatar: the Last Airbender. A strong reference to **Nashiil's **_Random Bits 14_ – do read it, now, because she wrote it for me. XD

**_For Ikonopeiston._**

* * *

Baralai shrugged off the last reporter. It wasn't Shelinda this time, thank Yevon.

Ducking down a random alley out near Raldo Heights, a new suburb of Luca which was home to a bunch of rowdy and often aggressive Raldo fiends among the people (hence the name), the ex-Praetor and now-politician sought an escape route from the pushy, nosy, and annoying journalists looking to capitalise on any of his- _their_, he corrected himself silently, government's faults.

Such as Gippal coldly informing a horribly conservative priest of Yevon that the Machine Faction, or what was the Machine Faction, are not a bunch of 'philandering, perverted fools, whose life's goals are to plant their seed into as many willing women as possible'. The one-eyed machina expert retorted by implying that said priest's sex life was related to allegations of the late Maester Mika sexually assaulting a young priestess.

Suffice to say, Baralai's life was complicated and nearly driving him insane.

'Oh it's no use.' He said to himself, breaking into a run and leaping, _leaping_ over a set of crates that managed to stop the hopelessly dim-witted reporters in their tracks.

And in his full robes, at that.

He came to a dirty, yet bustling junction of people and chocobos at a crossroads. Looking around, he noticed it was a market of sorts, with stalls of people selling street food such as pizza and various fiend dishes such as Spicy Funguar and sautéed Aerouge heads.

Baralai panted from exhaustion and sat down on a box next to a stall selling deep-fried Dual Horn legs.

For a minute there, he revelled in the simplicity of their life. No people demanding answers, no omnipresent critics floating like a wraith escaped from the Omega Ruins, no old ministers with hardly any idea about society, no young acolytes with naivety dropping from their pores.

Just life, pure, day-to-day, with no worries or niggling little issues that plagued the praetor so.

Then he saw Nooj running, or more accurately hobbling, around a corner, from the same group of reporters that were only five minutes ago tailing Baralai.

The praetor rose to a standing position and cast Sleepga (AN1) on the reporters to allow Nooj a bit of respite.

Seeing the air above the rabble's heads tinge pink and watch their heads droop and loll forwards, little 'Z's comically hovering above, and three young boys poking them experimentally for fun, Nooj looked back behind him and thanked his unknown saviour.

Then he collided with the door of _The Jasmine Dragon Tea Shop._

Rubbing his head sheepishly, Nooj opened the door to the nondescript store and entered hastily.

Fifty paces back, a certain praetor followed, but not before whacking the heads of every journalist as he went. He would later argue that he was out of MP to cast Esunaga.

_Well, it's hard to find the scripts to learn it, and it does cost more than three Curagas mana-wise._ Yes, that would be his alibi if, or more like when, those people would angrily ask.

Baralai slipped in to the _Jasmine Dragon_ and found Nooj in a back corner, quietly sipping a small cup of what seemed to be lychee tea with none other than Paine herself, indulging in a chai latte.

'Nooj? Paine? Fancy seeing you here.' Baralai sat down uninvited and ordered the house special, jasmine tea.

The deathseeker and their ex-recorder looked up and greeted him – Paine with a light hug, Nooj with a firm handshake that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Paine seemed excessively jovial, tipsy even.

''Lai!' Paine said happily. 'How have you been? Did you get caught by that group of reporters? Nooj managed to avoid them because a special someone knocked them all out with a massive Sleepga spell-'

'That was me.' Baralai looked up and smiled from his cup.

Nooj looked up from his lychee and gave Baralai the patented 'Deathseeker Glare of His Namesake But For You and Not Him'.

'People are going to ask questions. I appreciate it and all, but that temporary crowd control measure will come back to bite you.' Nooj scowled and found the day's copy of the _Luca Tribune_.

Baralai sat forward in his seat. 'If not for that spell, you would have been buried under the weight of prima donnas, itching for the latest slip-up on your account. Literal or no.'

'Don't remind me.' The half-man, half-machina mumbled darkly.

Paine, perma-smile affixed on her pale visage, patted Nooj's arm and commented casually, 'Oh don't worry Nooj, I'm sure no-one in Luca or Bevelle really cares that you can't walk as well as you used to!' She giggled girlishly and took a large gulp of chai.

Baralai raised an eyebrow delicately at Paine's unusual _joie de vivre_.

'So Nooj, how are things in the Department of Misplaced or Unknown Pre-Yevon Artefacts? Uncovered any interesting spheres? Any leads on this Trema person, who is Shuyin himself from what the media tells us?' Baralai added a touch of sardonic accenting on the words 'Shuyin', 'Yevon' and 'Media'.

Nooj took another sip. 'Dreadfully boring. Haven't found anything I didn't know about already. Nothing on Trema, nothing on Shuyin, nothing on Yu Yevon. Sad to say, but I prefer politics. Being the Minister for the Youth League is… enjoyable, even. Except for the old Yevonite geezers.' He grimaced inwardly.

A random old man drinking to Nooj's right gave him a look that plainly said, _What the hell, you stupid idiot?_

Nooj pointedly ignored him.

'But lately my time in office has been cut short because of the media. As far as they're concerned, if I'm there, something's going to explode from a poorly aimed Flare spell.' He flicked his hands in imitation of the Bevellian black magic teachers' casting techniques. 'Not that I'd use Flare, anyway.'

Paine leant forward. 'Oh _honey_-' Baralai's eyebrows momentarily disappeared into his silver hair, then descended gracefully, 'don't worry about them! As I said, no-one really cares about what the _Luca Inside Snoop_ thinks about your machina parts. We love you just the same.' Then Paine gave Nooj a genuine, yet oddly simpering and sickeningly cute smile. 'See you later!' She rose, gave him a quick peck on the cheek, downed the rest of her chai in one, then waved goodbye to Baralai and ran out.

Baralai was inwardly panicking. _Oh sweet mother of Yevon, what's wrong with the Doctor? Maybe she and Rikku have switched personalities… no! It's Shelinda in disguise!_

Then the gravity of that thought hit him and he gave a small yelp, not dissimilar to a Chihuahua getting run over by a bicycle.

OK, more like getting hit by a car, as disturbing as that is.

_The horror!_

Baralai's covert Crimson Squad training instincts kicked in.

'OH MY YEVON SHE'S COMING TO EAT ME!'

Is what he felt like screaming, but before he summoned the breath to let the entire tea shop about an ex-acolyte's alarming obsession of combining cannibalism and journalism, he was stopped by Nooj.

Or his absence, really. He was slowly walking out the door, wearing a black overcoat and blending in with the scenery. The only differentiating feature his person possessed was the walking stick and his signature limp.

Baralai looked back at the table. Nooj's lychee tea was empty.

Extremely shocked and wondering if Yunalesca had cursed him, he walked forward to the barman, of sorts, and quietly asked him, a blonde Al Bhed man in his early twenties, with a prominent fringe obscuring his right eye.

Clearing his throat, and with a look of utter _shock_ upon his face, Baralai asked him incredulously, 'What was that? I've never seen Paine act so… irrationally happy… and Nooj so forlorn, more than usual! Something's gone wrong…' the barman's swirled green irises softened in understanding, but behind it was a grin that could only be described as coy. Roguish, even.

'Well, 'Lai, maybe a certain someone dropped a certain _something_ into their drinks.' The man said. His voice sounded just like-

No. Way.

'It can't be. Gippal?' Baralai visibly slumped onto a bar stool where the tea shop regulars sat, like a regular pub.

'The one and only. How's it going?' he lifted his fringe to reveal the ubiquitous eye-patch he wore. 'I'm undercover. You're lucky – normally this place is frequented by journalists of all kinds. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the _Luca Tribune_.'

Baralai smiled in spite of himself. 'Witty. No seriously, what's with Nooj and Doctor P? I mean, I haven't seen Paine in about three months now, but… wait.'

Gippal waved his hands. 'Go on.'

'You put something in their drinks.'

The blonde man leaned forward. 'Yup. It's all true. I poured sugar into Nooj's drink of lychee tea – unorthodox, I know – and milk into Painie's chai latte.'

'That's _not_ what I meant.' Baralai sighed.

'And anyways, those two teas have been known to affect human behaviour (AN2). Which is why,' Gippal motioned to the bags of tea on the back wall, 'I came to work here. Hey, if it makes people happy-slash-depressed-slash-cynical, I can change things about certain… _people_… for my own personal enjoyment.' Gippal grinned.

'You wouldn't.' Baralai mock-gasped.

'He would.' Said Shelinda, from Baralai's far left.

'Yeah, I agree with that.' 'Me too.' 'I don't think so.' 'Why?' 'Well…' 'No one cares.' 'I do!' 'Shut up!' came from all over the room as a number of reporters rose to fight.

One young woman in a suit called quietly, 'Er, guys, haven't you noticed that's Praetor Baralai?'

They all flicked their heads towards her.

Then back at Baralai, whose face rapidly twisted into horror as he attempted to back out the door slowly.

'Gippal? You wouldn't happen to have any more of that chai latte, would you?'

* * *

AN1: I've been playing waaaaay too much FFXII. Think casting Sleep, but multiple targets. Seeing as Baralai has access to all of Bevelle, there's probably information on casting Sleepga somewhere around there that YRP didn't get their hands on.

AN2: Not true, AFAIK. Drink up! I swear you won't become emo overnight from lychee tea, nor peppy from chai latte.

And Lighthouse Family's "High" just came on. -- Coincidence? You decide. XD

* * *

Oh my God that ending was horrible, but I'm so proud of myself! It's done!

Now I have to get to work on my giftfic for AmazonTurk, and my collab with Nashiil. Er…

Review, please? Especially Ikonopeiston. I want to know what you thought.

By the way, I'm not planning to write another oneshot based upon Gippal's adventures with tea and Rikku, but if any budding Rippal writers want the idea, go ahead!

**HM**


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